Week 99 Weigh In!

 Well, slowly coming up on two years. Kind of crazy how time can move both so quickly and so slowly at the same time. Perception is a weird thing.

I've been doing okay with my gym attendance this past week! I managed to go five times which I think is great. It's still not easy to go- as I mentioned in my last entry, I still definitely don't love exercise. But I am managing to make it into part of my routine where it's just the expectation that I go. 

I'm finding it hard to write today. I'm happy with the loss this week because certainly anything over a pound at this stage in my weight loss journey is fantastic. I do feel that it's because of the gym more than anything else though. I know they say you can't out-exercise a bad diet and they're right, but I feel like the exercise I'm doing is giving my metabolism enough of a boost that it's healing and coming back online to the way that it should. Maybe that isn't accurate; I remember watching the Biggest Loser when I was younger and reading followups that showed that those contestants still had permanent metabolic damage years later and were burning fewer calories than people of their age and sex and weight who had never been obese. Either way though, the scale is moving and I'm eating more calories than I used to in my previous weight loss journey back in 2010 when I started this blog!

Nutrisystem generally allowed for a 1400-1600 calorie diet when you were 100lbs or more over your goal weight, and 1200-1400 when you had less than that to lose. They said if you were really active you could add an extra 200ish calories to your plan. Then again, I remember the "gold standard" back then was the 1200 calorie diet for weight loss, so it only makes sense that was the recommendation. Now, I'm eating 1700-1900ish calories daily, balanced but with an emphasis on protein, and still losing weight. I also have more muscle than I've ever had at any time in my life, which is great. If I wasn't still taking in sufficient calories I wouldn't be building muscle. Hopefully there is also some body recomposition taking place! I've noticed when I'm bent over at the gym that I notice my stomach kind of sagging in ways it didn't before, so I think that I'm losing fat in my stomach and the skin is getting looser. I don't particularly love the way that looks, but I'd rather by far have saggy skin than skin taut with fat, so I guess we'll see how it goes in time.

In the meantime, I'm continuing with the philosophy to eat as many calories as I can daily while still losing weight, as this is supposed to be the best for your metabolism and ongoing maintenance once you finish losing weight. I'd much rather eat more and lose more slowly but keep it off than eat 1200 calories and regain it all as soon as I put a french fry in my mouth! This isn't a journey to the finish line; that's just another starting point.

OZ Year 1 loss: 68lbs (click here to see the week-by-week tracker!) 

OZ Week 53 gain: 1.4 lbs continuing dose at 0.75mg

OZ Week 55 gain: 1.6 lbs

OZ Week 56 loss: 0.6 lbs

OZ Week 57 loss: 2.0 lbs

OZ Week 58 loss: 2.4 lbs

OZ Week 61 gain: 5.4 lbs

OZ Week 62 loss: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 63 loss: 3.0 lbs

OZ Week 64 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 65 loss: 0.4 lbs

OZ Week 66 loss: 1.8 lbs

OZ Week 67 loss: 0 lbs

OZ Week 68 loss: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 69 gain: 0.2 lbs

OZ Week 70 gain: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 71 loss: 2.4 lbs

OZ Week 72 loss: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 73 loss: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 74 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 75 loss: 0.8 lb

OS Week 76 gain: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 77 loss: 5.0 lbs

OZ Week 78 gain: 0.4 lbs

OZ Week 79 loss: 4.0 lbs

OZ Week 80-87: on hiatus due to grief

OZ Week 88 gain: 9.4 lbs

OZ Week 89 loss: 0.4 lbs raised dose to 0.85mg

OZ Week 90 loss: 1.8 lbs

OZ Week 91 loss: 5.2 lbs

OZ Week 92 gain: 0.6 lbs

OZ Week 93: no weigh in

OZ Week 94: gain: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 95 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 96 loss: 0.2 lb

OZ Week 97 loss: 3 lbs

OZ Week 98 loss: 1.8 lbs
OZ Week 99 loss: 1.8 lbs

Total loss on Ozempic so far: 90 lbs

Still Dislike Exercise!

 I have to admit that I'm envious of people who feel good when they exercise and enjoy getting their sweat on. Here I am, sitting at my computer over a year into my exercise journey and I still had to make myself go change into my gym clothes and listen to my brain whine "I don't wanna go!"

So I said to myself, OK, you don't have to go. No one is making you go. So underneath all that whining was recognition that I did in fact, want to go. I just apparently also wanted to whine about it!

Just like the food we choose every day; no one is sitting there policing every bite that goes into our mouths. No one is forcing us to go to the gym and exercise. Thankfully! Can you imagine how horrible that would be?? At some point though, it has to be important enough to ourselves to make generally good decisions. That doesn't mean eating only grilled chicken salads or exercising for hours every day, because that can be just as disordered as living on fast food and never getting off the sofa. But finding a balance that works for us is the key to making this sustainable.

So I still have to leave space for those acknowledgements that I don't love going to the gym and getting sweaty. That sometimes I'll get endorphins and feel positive about my workouts, but a lot of the times (like today!) I don't. I do it anyway because it's self care, and that's something I've been woefully short on lately.

It's okay not to enjoy exercise. There's loads of advice out there to find something you do like, but it's possible there won't be anything that you actually find fun. It's okay to do it anyway even if it's not fun. You don't have to love it to tough it out and do it anyway. That doesn't mean it's wrong for you just because you don't like it.

Grab your gym shoes, give your body a little love, and do it anyway.

Week 98 Weigh In!

 

Well, I've finally hit a new low. Funny how that statement fits in more ways than one. Grief is still making me struggle but having the weight loss plateau in addition was feeling like adding insult to injury. I did manage to go to the gym last week but only once. I have still been recovering from being sick and my energy levels have been lower. The one workout I did though was definitely a good one though. It's called Angry Birds and it had an upper body pod, a lower body pod, and a core pod. I was really feeling it by the end of the day. I also managed to be push pressing a heavier barbell for my three sets than I ever have for that period of time. I guess I am getting stronger, which is what I really want anyway.

I have noticed food has been harder than usual lately, and I suspect it's a combination of grief and Ozempic, maybe with the addition of being sick thrown in. When I say food is harder, it's because I'm not hungry, but also I can recognize that my body needs to eat, and also that I don't have the mental energy to plan out what I'm eating then buy groceries then do food prep and cook and finally eat and clean up. It is just more energy than I have right now, especially when food isn't all that interesting to me. 

I don't normally have these issues. I like food. Eating is pleasurable and enjoying good food is one of the good things in life. But depression is a bitch. I used to have foodie dates with my beloved family member who died, and so I haven't been interested in things like that. I'm mostly just eating in a way that will meet the needs of my body with the least amount of energy output. So it's really no surprise that I'm not enthused about what I'm eating because it's sustenance rather than pleasurable.

I'm going with a lot of prepared meals lately. Factor has been a godsend so that when I know I need to eat, I can just grab a meal and pop it in the microwave. At least it's real food too and not heavily processed frozen meals, although those certainly have their moments too! I do find that the meal delivery services like Factor (you can get $80 off your first box using my link!) provide healthier choices compared to takeout or fast food. There's less sodium and unhealthy fats added just for flavour like you'd find at a restaurant, and they aren't as boring as a salad; they taste really delicious for the calorie count!

And I'm just continuing to take things one day at a time. I can't solve all my problems at once. Some of them aren't even solvable; they just need to be survivable. All I can do is my best and some days that's going to be better than others. Someone made an interesting comment to me and it's so true; if our best was something we could do every day, then it wouldn't be our best, it would be average. Our best is going to fluctuate from day to day and that's okay too. What's important is trying, and continuing to put one foot in front of the other.

So the scale this week still didn't hit as low as the lowest I saw last week, but I can't complain about 4.8 lbs in the last two weeks- that's amazing at any time, let alone this far into a weight loss journey. I'll just keep going, continue to do the best I can in terms of caloric intake, and get to the gym whenever I can. I'm hoping to go later today but I just picked up some extra hours at work so we'll have to see how that goes. If not- tomorrow for sure!

OZ Year 1 loss: 68lbs (click here to see the week-by-week tracker!) 

OZ Week 53 gain: 1.4 lbs continuing dose at 0.75mg

OZ Week 55 gain: 1.6 lbs

OZ Week 56 loss: 0.6 lbs

OZ Week 57 loss: 2.0 lbs

OZ Week 58 loss: 2.4 lbs

OZ Week 61 gain: 5.4 lbs

OZ Week 62 loss: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 63 loss: 3.0 lbs

OZ Week 64 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 65 loss: 0.4 lbs

OZ Week 66 loss: 1.8 lbs

OZ Week 67 loss: 0 lbs

OZ Week 68 loss: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 69 gain: 0.2 lbs

OZ Week 70 gain: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 71 loss: 2.4 lbs

OZ Week 72 loss: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 73 loss: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 74 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 75 loss: 0.8 lb

OS Week 76 gain: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 77 loss: 5.0 lbs

OZ Week 78 gain: 0.4 lbs

OZ Week 79 loss: 4.0 lbs

OZ Week 80-87: on hiatus due to grief

OZ Week 88 gain: 9.4 lbs

OZ Week 89 loss: 0.4 lbs raised dose to 0.85mg

OZ Week 90 loss: 1.8 lbs

OZ Week 91 loss: 5.2 lbs

OZ Week 92 gain: 0.6 lbs

OZ Week 93: no weigh in

OZ Week 94: gain: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 95 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 96 loss: 0.2 lb

OZ Week 97 loss: 3 lbs

OZ Week 98 loss: 1.8 lbs

Total loss on Ozempic so far: 88.2 lbs

Week 97 Weigh In

 This week has been very bizarre in terms of the scale. For that matter, the fluctuations over both the last two weeks have been odd, and I really have no idea why. I knew that I weighed in last week on the highest day of the week, so I was expecting a bigger drop this week. That being said, I was nearly an additional 3lbs lighter on Saturday morning, so that's some really extreme fluctuation to see over a single week. My weight has been up and down nearly six pounds! At least some stayed off for my Monday morning weigh in though or I'd have been really disappointed. I can't complain about a 3lb loss even if I'm wondering what happened to put the rest back on.

I do hope it's not muscle tissue leaving already. With being this sick I haven't been able to go to the gym for a full week. I miss it but I'm not only exhausted but also contagious, so going would not be a kind thing to do. For that matter, I'm still too tired to do a Walk at Home workout in my living room, so contemplating going to F45 isn't happening.

This year really has been a struggle in so many ways, and I am still losing weight and trying my best to get healthier. If it's not at the rate I would like, at least I'm still moving in the right direction. I didn't even get to make it to maintenance before life gave me one of those big kicks intended to knock me down again. And it sure has knocked me down, but I'm trying not to let it take everything from me. I don't want to regain all my weight and get sicker again before I've even had a chance to see where this path is taking me. No- not where the path is taking me- the path I'm building for myself. This work isn't passive; if I'm not actively engaging in my health, it's not going anywhere. There are so many aspects of my life now where I have little to no control. But I do have control over how I'm treating myself.

Going to the gym makes me feel like I'm actively choosing to prioritize myself. It feels like even though what I'm doing is hard, I get acknowledgement for choosing to do the hard thing. I get to see visible results for the work I'm doing (hello pectoral muscles, I didn't know you existed on me!). There aren't many places in my life where I get to see progress or results for what I'm doing. Most of the things I do are things that have to be done over and over daily or weekly- you only notice them if they aren't done. It's nice to have a place in my life where it feels like what I do matters and to have people cheering me on.

Being sick sucks. Hopefully I'll start feeling better soon so that I can book in. Phase 10 starts today and I'm interested in what they have posted so far!

OZ Year 1 loss: 68lbs (click here to see the week-by-week tracker!) 

OZ Week 53 gain: 1.4 lbs continuing dose at 0.75mg

OZ Week 55 gain: 1.6 lbs

OZ Week 56 loss: 0.6 lbs

OZ Week 57 loss: 2.0 lbs

OZ Week 58 loss: 2.4 lbs

OZ Week 61 gain: 5.4 lbs

OZ Week 62 loss: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 63 loss: 3.0 lbs

OZ Week 64 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 65 loss: 0.4 lbs

OZ Week 66 loss: 1.8 lbs

OZ Week 67 loss: 0 lbs

OZ Week 68 loss: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 69 gain: 0.2 lbs

OZ Week 70 gain: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 71 loss: 2.4 lbs

OZ Week 72 loss: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 73 loss: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 74 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 75 loss: 0.8 lb

OS Week 76 gain: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 77 loss: 5.0 lbs

OZ Week 78 gain: 0.4 lbs

OZ Week 79 loss: 4.0 lbs

OZ Week 80-87: on hiatus due to grief

OZ Week 88 gain: 9.4 lbs

OZ Week 89 loss: 0.4 lbs raised dose to 0.85mg

OZ Week 90 loss: 1.8 lbs

OZ Week 91 loss: 5.2 lbs

OZ Week 92 gain: 0.6 lbs

OZ Week 93: no weigh in

OZ Week 94: gain: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 95 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 96 loss: 0.2 lb

OZ Week 97 loss: 3 lbs

Total loss on Ozempic so far: 86.4 lbs

The Importance of Protein

 I wanted to reiterate this point because even though we all know how important protein is as a macronutrient (obviously not to the exclusion of others, in my opinion), it can be easy to forget even when you're years into your weight loss journey.

I'm sick, and I have been for a few days now. I had bought some lovely cinnamon raisin bread to make into French toast with egg whites, which is a breakfast I eat fairly regularly, and it still winds up having about 20g of protein. Yesterday morning I was exhausted and not up to actually cooking but I wanted to eat the nice fresh bread so I decided to just make myself a couple of slices of toast with honey, which would actually have fewer calories than my usual French toast.

Well wouldn't you know, less than half an hour after eating my toast, I was absolutely starving again. Hungry like I had never eaten at all. This simply hasn't happened in ages because even my sweet and carb heavy breakfasts like pancakes also come with quite a bit of protein and that keeps me satiated. Apparently my body has gotten used to that and it wasn't happy to have such an insubstantial meal. It's not just the Ozempic keeping me full at this point; it's the protein, too.

This is why I strive to have protein in every meal if I can, even my late night snack, although it has seemed to be of least importance there. If I'm having a sweet treat it doesn't tend to make me hungry later on, but that might be because I've probably consumed more protein earlier in the day freeing up room in my budget for a piece of chocolate or a cookie or something like that. Apparently my body agrees that breakfast is an important meal and does need to be balanced properly for my needs.

So, this morning I'm tucking into cinnamon raisin French toast made with egg whites, with 25.6g of protein. Delicious, very similar to yesterday's breakfast, but I'm not going to be hungry thirty minutes later.

There's nothing wrong with carbs and fat. Personally, I think that cutting out a whole macronutrient isn't the healthiest way to live, unless it's been specifically recommended for you by a medical professional. I don't even think there is anything wrong with sugar in moderation, and I'm a type 2 diabetic (in remission as of my bloodwork in July!!) But at least for me, keeping balanced with a good amount of protein in the morning works best to keep me satiated and having energy for my day.

Week 96 Weigh In

 Ok, so this week was a little crushing. I worked out on 5 days and I worked out hard! Even felt some of my strength coming back a little bit like it was before. I was also getting on the scale a few times during the week to check if things were moving in the right direction and I was so happy- it looked like it was going to be a big week. I felt positive; like maybe my body was starting to respond to the exercise again like it should.

Then, I got on the scale this morning for my regular weigh in day.

So I know it's just one moment in time and tomorrow I could be back down again but it really sucks to post a 0.2lb loss when just a couple of days ago it was nearly 3lbs, and I have been within my calorie deficit AND working out.

But there isn't much I can do about it other than keep plugging away. I don't want to raise my dose if my body is in the process of adjusting back to the intense level of exercise, and I certainly don't think I should be cutting calories when I've put on some visible muscle in the last few weeks. I have never seen myself with pectorals before and it's a bit of a surprise when I look in the mirror; I didn't think that was the kind of muscle that would be visible without being bulky but it's surprisingly okay! At any rate, I don't want to stop building muscle and I need energy to work out, so I'm going to stick with my ~1700 calories. I hope I don't need to use my plateau breaking tricks anytime soon because it would be frustrating to have this be a sticking point when the scale was just starting to drop well before the grief, and that would feel like adding insult to injury to have it derail me long term. Again though, there's only so much of this that's within my control; sometimes you just have to go along for the ride.

Instead, I will celebrate some NSVs. In the past week, I did a Romanian deadlift with heavier weights than I've ever used before (15kg on each side plus the weight of the bar) and I did 6 sets of a push press working up to a barbell that was 8.75kg on each side plus the weight of the bar. I tend to have trouble with the overhead presses and find them more difficult, so I was proud by how much I lifted for that day! I'm still not back at my max for the bench presses with dumbbells, but I'll get there if I keep working at it.

With everything that's been going on in my life lately, I don't feel all that positive, but I try to bring whatever positive energy I have here to share with you and at least find something small to celebrate. Hope you're having a good week! If I can, I'll try to post some new recipes soon. I know I'm planning to make my Eggplant Rollatini this week since I got some lovely eggplants in my produce box- if you haven't tried it, I'd definitely recommend it!

OZ Year 1 loss: 68lbs (click here to see the week-by-week tracker!) 

OZ Week 53 gain: 1.4 lbs continuing dose at 0.75mg

OZ Week 55 gain: 1.6 lbs

OZ Week 56 loss: 0.6 lbs

OZ Week 57 loss: 2.0 lbs

OZ Week 58 loss: 2.4 lbs

OZ Week 61 gain: 5.4 lbs

OZ Week 62 loss: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 63 loss: 3.0 lbs

OZ Week 64 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 65 loss: 0.4 lbs

OZ Week 66 loss: 1.8 lbs

OZ Week 67 loss: 0 lbs

OZ Week 68 loss: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 69 gain: 0.2 lbs

OZ Week 70 gain: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 71 loss: 2.4 lbs

OZ Week 72 loss: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 73 loss: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 74 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 75 loss: 0.8 lb

OS Week 76 gain: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 77 loss: 5.0 lbs

OZ Week 78 gain: 0.4 lbs

OZ Week 79 loss: 4.0 lbs

OZ Week 80-87: on hiatus due to grief

OZ Week 88 gain: 9.4 lbs

OZ Week 89 loss: 0.4 lbs raised dose to 0.85mg

OZ Week 90 loss: 1.8 lbs

OZ Week 91 loss: 5.2 lbs

OZ Week 92 gain: 0.6 lbs

OZ Week 93: no weigh in

OZ Week 94: gain: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 95 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 96 loss: 0.2 lb

Total loss on Ozempic so far: 83.4 lbs

Week 95 Weigh In

 Well, it's something at least. Not what I hoped for after that backwards rebound, but hey, down is down, right? It's really been a struggle, but I guess I'm living proof of all those theories about how hard it is to lose with cortisol.

That being said, hopefully it will be easier for me to keep my gym motivation, because my teenage son has decided he wants to go to the gym, too. He's not old enough to be there by himself, per gym rules, so if he wants to go, then I've got to go too. This past week was his first week and so I actually did manage to go 6 days last week but I'm getting a wee bit burnt out. I'm planning to do 5 days with him this week and maybe stabilize there. That was kind of why I was hoping for a larger loss this week, but I finally seem able to start lifting bigger weights again so maybe it's an increase in muscle that's frustrating the scale loss this week. I still haven't made it back to where I was before May, but I'm getting much closer and that can't be a bad thing.

I'd really like to build up some buffer though with the holidays coming... but that's still too far ahead for now. I've just got to stick with one day at a time if I'm going to make it through.

OZ Year 1 loss: 68lbs (click here to see the week-by-week tracker!) 

OZ Week 53 gain: 1.4 lbs continuing dose at 0.75mg

OZ Week 55 gain: 1.6 lbs

OZ Week 56 loss: 0.6 lbs

OZ Week 57 loss: 2.0 lbs

OZ Week 58 loss: 2.4 lbs

OZ Week 61 gain: 5.4 lbs

OZ Week 62 loss: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 63 loss: 3.0 lbs

OZ Week 64 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 65 loss: 0.4 lbs

OZ Week 66 loss: 1.8 lbs

OZ Week 67 loss: 0 lbs

OZ Week 68 loss: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 69 gain: 0.2 lbs

OZ Week 70 gain: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 71 loss: 2.4 lbs

OZ Week 72 loss: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 73 loss: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 74 loss: 1.0 lb

OZ Week 75 loss: 0.8 lb

OS Week 76 gain: 1.4 lbs

OZ Week 77 loss: 5.0 lbs

OZ Week 78 gain: 0.4 lbs

OZ Week 79 loss: 4.0 lbs

OZ Week 80-87: on hiatus due to grief

OZ Week 88 gain: 9.4 lbs

OZ Week 89 loss: 0.4 lbs raised dose to 0.85mg

OZ Week 90 loss: 1.8 lbs

OZ Week 91 loss: 5.2 lbs

OZ Week 92 gain: 0.6 lbs

OZ Week 93: no weigh in

OZ Week 94: gain: 2.2 lbs

OZ Week 95 loss: 1.0 lb

Total loss on Ozempic so far: 83.2 lbs