Well, grief's a bitch. I haven't felt up to writing, and I'm honestly not sure what week it is anyway. I'll do my best to figure it out as soon as I have some energy to do so.
It feels pretty awful that I've barely lost any weight in a year, despite going to the gym, despite Ozempic. I'm about six pounds less than what I weighed on this date a year ago. I know my diet hasn't been perfect, but it feels like it's been a lot better than that result shows, which is disappointing. And I'm not into vanity pounds territory yet; despite muscle, I still weigh quite a bit more than I should, so this isn't the point where getting off the last few pounds should be this level of struggle. It's disheartening.
That being said, I suppose it shows just how much effect cortisol and lack of sleep have on the body. This week one year ago was when I lost my dear family member and the wheels have been off ever since. Six months since I lost my mother as well. And I'm really struggling. It's hard to find energy to do anything, let alone take care of myself.
I had to extend my Healthywager, because obviously I didn't make it, but I wasn't ready to give up yet. I can still make a profit if I can lose another 15lbs in 6 months, just slightly less of one. And I could use the money for new clothes and spending on my new hobbies, which I've been using as a grief distraction.
I am just so exhausted with life and with everything. It would be nice if one thing was working for me. You'd think with going to F45 4-6x per week, something would be happening, but I don't even feel like I'm progressing through heavier weights either despite all my hard work.
At any rate, I might not know what week it is, but here is what I do know.
