Well, I think we have conclusively proved that cortisol and other stress hormones do prevent weight loss even when you're within a calorie deficit and exercising. I made it to the gym on 4 days last week and worked out hard and I was within my calorie range and instead I am up several pounds. I would love to say we can just accept this as proved and move onto something else now. I don't need any more testing of this hypothesis and I'd like to get back to weight loss, please!
Really, it's hard enough just keeping on with the exercise and the staying in a deficit; much harder than it normally would be when all I want to do is comfort eat and stay in bed. Life hasn't been kind lately and I've been dealing with yet another family member being hospitalized unexpectedly. Regaining this weight when I've been working so damn hard to stop myself from backsliding feels like insult to injury.
But there really isn't anything more to be done about it. I can't control the shit sandwich that life is handing me. I can't control what my hormones are doing, beyond taking my medication as prescribed. All I can control is what I eat (and within reason; I do not wish to develop any further sort of eating disorder), and how much I move my body. And if it takes a while for them to catch up and start showing results, there really isn't anything that I can do about it other than to keep putting one foot in front of the other.
It's disappointing, and frustrating, and feels like another kick when I'm already down, but I'm not going to fall back into a hole. Right about now, taking care of my body feels like one of the only self care methods I have available to me. I want to keep going to the gym, even if it's hard and tiring. I want to build back up to the weights I was lifting before. I want to see the muscle definition in my body improve so at least I can see that I'm doing something positive for myself.
And so- off to the gym. Today is a resistance day, and I'll do my best.
