Well, hello again...

I somehow doubt if anyone is reading this blog after six years, but I decided I'd write in it again. The past few years haven't been good to me. I lost over 110lbs on Nutrisystem and kept it off for four years, but then I hit some serious life stress, got divorced, developed several serious health issues, and regained all my weight and then some.

I had been really proud of keeping off my loss for so long. While I didn't go all the way down to what BMI considered to be my goal weight, I was happy with it and how I looked, and the extra energy that I had. I was not losing weight to look good in a bikini, but merely not to be "fat" anymore. I'm still the same me, regardless of what body I am in. But it is nice to be able to shop in regular stores, and to be able to get around as best I can given my health issues without being winded.

So, here I am again. I've been wanting to lose weight for a while, but more in that wistful sort of way than in any decisive manner. I know that I have the skills and ability to do it once I put my mind to things, but I haven't been able to spare the time or the energy. Plus, I have to admit I have really been enjoying eating dinner as a family and it's just not the same when you're eating out of a box.

I will also admit that what gave me the kickstart was not necessarily appearance based, but in that regard. My best friend is getting married soon. I bought my dress months ago, and it fit just fine through my first and second dress fittings. Then, last week I went back for the third fitting, and not only did my dress not zip up, but it gapped by a good two inches.

Now that, my friends, is what you call an emergency! The seamstress told me that my dress didn't have a lot of seam allowance, which means that any late adjustments would really change the way it looked (as well as cost me a lot of money). So, I have exactly three weeks to get back into my dress!

I don't have a lot of time for meal prep right now and I wanted this to be a sure thing. I know Nutrisystem works. So, I restarted my Nutrisystem order and my box is here! I have to admit, I am really disappointed in some of the program changes since I was last here. I really miss my cranberry orange pastry and my apple strudel scone, and the veggie fajitas. Thank goodness the mashed potatoes are still here- I did so much cooking with those in the past that I don't know what I would do without them. I was so disappointed to see the pancake mix gone. I used to love the recipes I made with that. I'll need to see if I can find a substitute somewhere. If any readers have any ideas or suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

The program was just changing into its current incarnation when I left- the lingo moving from dairy/protein to "powerfuel" which I have to admit sounds pretty stupid to say, and "smart carb". I do like that change, since before you only added carbs to a few meals or were otherwise directed to eat fruit. As a carbaholic, this sounds great to me, but of course recognizing that replacing fruit with bread all the time is likely not the best choice.

So I was sent the Turbo Takeoff package, which is supposed to help you hit the ground running. It is much lower calorie than the regular Nutrisystem program, which is why the first portion lasts for only 7 days. I suppose they figure that since you're going to be hungry anyway the first few days, that being a little more hungry won't make too much more difference, and also that seeing a big number on the scale after the first week will be enough of a mental reward to most people to stick with the program especially once more things get added back in. I actually don't even think that you get dessert in the first week.

They do give you TurboShakes and NutriCurb bars for the first week, though. I haven't tried either yet. Normally I hate protein shakes and so I'm a bit skeptical of exactly how bad these are going to be. But I figure I can survive anything for one week, so I'm going to give it a try and see how it goes.

I will continue my past trend of taking pictures of the food I'm eating and giving updates on what I think of meal items and the program in general. One thing I know for sure- Nutrisystem does in fact work, when you follow the program.

I'm going to rock my dress and have an amazing time with my family and friends in three weeks! And maybe use this as the nudge to get back on the wagon a bit. I think I might finally be ready to lose the weight again.

Sigh: Round Two

Once again, I was expecting to post a big number this week. Today is Day Thirteen of the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Slimdown, and I've stuck to the program 100%. Some exercises I have more trouble with than others since I am not all that flexible, but I've been trying my best. I was expecting at least some kind of reward for all this effort!

Nope. I'm down 0.8lbs. Seriously, I was doing better when I was just counting calories and not exercising at all, and that's really frustrating since I know the exercise is good for my body. I mean, I know I'm not obese anymore so it's harder to take the fat off, but I still have about thirty pounds that I want to lose, so I didn't expect it to get really difficult for at least another ten or fifteen pounds, especially since at one point last year I was about eight pounds lighter.

My muscles still ache like hell when I'm exercising, so if the previous commenter was correct and they are holding water, I guess that could be part of it. But I didn't think this would continue, especially since in the past I've at least done the 30 Day Shred a couple of days a week and it started taking weight off well. I just was stupid and gave up.

I've also been eating better than I have in a while. More fresh vegetables and salads. I've also been finding that I've fallen into the habit of having four or five mini meals a day instead of just breakfast/lunch/dinner. It's made more sense because I prefer to eat lightly before a workout, and then I'm usually hungry afterwards, so I have a small meal before and after a workout. I'm still counting calories so I know I'm well within my optimum range and I am not overeating just because I'm exercising.

Well, I'm feeling stubborn, so I'm going to finish the workout and just ignore this result and see what happens. But I am not really happy right now. It would be nice to get a little positive feedback! Seeing the pounds drop off when I started losing weight really gave me the incentive to keep going. Now I feel like I am not getting much.

Bodies are frustrating. That is all.

Sigh

Well, today was intended to be an excited, triumphant post. I've been keeping a secret and didn't want to share it and risk jinxing myself by talking about it before I was really ready. But anyway, I'm not ready to quit yet so I am going to keep writing and we'll see how it goes.

A week ago, I started the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Slimdown. I've written about it before but I've always given up in less than a week, for various reasons. This time, apparently the thrill of putting those cute little star stickers on my calendar (just like potty training a toddler!), is working to keep me motivated because I've completed week one of the program. I've also been using an iPhone app, Lose It!, to keep track of my calories. I used to be a Sparkpeople fan but I love the barcode scanner on the app that saves me the hassle of inputting all the food information if it's not in the database. And of course, always having my phone around makes it handy to use.

So for the past week I've been right in my caloric range every day, and I've exercised every day except yesterday which was my day off. And boy, do those workouts kick your butt! I also add in some extra cardio on the 30 Day Shred days since the workout is only 20 minutes; I add at least 20 minutes on my elliptical trainer. I was anticipating a nice big drop in weight, which is what usually happens to me when I start exercising. I've never been this focused on exercise before. Would the promises on the Jilliam Michaels DVD about losing up to five pounds a week apply to me? Well, no. I actually gained half a pound. I felt so miserable when I looked at the scale today. How was that even possible? I'm incorporating more vegetables into my program than I usually do, exercising daily, and counting calories; how can I actually be GAINING weight? But at any rate, I committed to my husband to finish the program and see what happens. Maybe the scale will start to move. I sure hope it will! But I guess all I can do is to keep doing what I'm doing.

12 Week Weight Loss Challenge Update

I haven't updated, probably because I had a setback in week two. Yay for not being accountable, right? :P But I have to complete this challenge, since even if I don't write about it here, I made a deal with my husband after all! So, I'm behind schedule, but I feel like things are working again.

Week 1: - 2.2 lbs
Week 2: + 1.8 lbs
Week 3: - 0.8 lbs
Week 4: - 2.6 lbs
Week 12 GOAL: 17 lbs

So far, I've lost 3.8 lbs and 2.1% of my starting weight. Not exactly thrilling numbers over a four week period, but the numbers are going down, and that matters. I just have to avoid any repetitions of Week 2, which gets tough during the holidays but I am starting to feel that drive and commitment again that I used to have. Perhaps I've finally woken it back up again.

I've also started exercising again, if a bit sporadically. My goal is at least three sessions a week. I'm back to my usual, the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. I have a couple of her other DVDs and when the Shred doesn't kill me I am going to upgrade to a longer workout since her others go for about an hour versus a half hour. What I've found is really helping me is kind of lame, but as long as it works I don't care. When I first started out, I loved the Nutrisystem fridge chart, where I could post my loss each week. I still have one of those up, but it doesn't have the same pull that it did before. So what I did was print out a blank calendar page and buy some pretty sparkly star stickers. Now I give myself one star sticker each time I stay within my caloric range, and one every time I exercise. I'm very proud of myself on the days that I earn two! My three year old is also helping me a lot. It's kind of funny to do my workout with him beside me, using toy cars as weights! He loses interest fairly quickly and instead hides under my gym mat, but it's still fun. And I love that my husband and I are teaching him about the importance of exercise. We tell him it helps you get strong, so now almost every day he says to me "Mommy, you should exercise so you can be strong to carry me!" How do you say no to that? It has certainly shamed me into exercising even on days I would have skipped my workout.

So, here I am. I will NOT give up, and I am going to complete this. It won't bring me to my goal weight, but it will finally take me to 100lbs lost since I started Nutrisystem, which is a barrier I only broke when I was sick and didn't eat for a week so I don't think it really counts. I may not be following Nutrisystem any more (I am not a fan of the new plan, to be honest), but I still get the occasional delivery of the foods I like and I am following the principles behind the plan; watching my caloric intake and eating a balanced diet. And as long as I'm trying, it works. Of course, if I do it halfassed, then I end up where I've been for the past 18 months. Is it good that I maintained? Absolutely. That already puts me in a serious minority of "dieters" (I hate that word). But, it's better that I keep losing!

New 12 Week Challenge

I am still here, despite the lack of postings lately. If you are still reading, thank you for being patient with me! I've just been having such a hard time staying focused. I keep resolving to get back on the wagon and stay there, but my motivation just hasn't been intense enough to keep it going. So I've been maintaining my weight but I've been unable to lose any more. That's still good news; very few people who lose a significant amount of weight actually keep it off, and I've been maintaining for nearly 18 months. I'm still not happy with where I am though and I would like to finally get to a point where I like the way I look. It's not really for health reasons anymore; I still have enough to lose that it will be beneficial to my health, but I'm more interested in losing based on my appearance at this point. Anyway, after thinking about how I got motivated the first time around, it was for my son. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to look after him properly or that I'd die young and not have much time with him because I was so overweight. Negative motivation, and it worked. Positive motivation has not been working because it hasn't been able to overcome my complacency. So what if I don't get a new pair of jeans or whatnot, right? So I've added in some negative consequences if I don't get back on track, and hopefully that will be enough of a kick in the rear to get me going again! Wish I had a Jillian Michaels I could borrow to come and scream at me to keep me motivated! I'm looking forward to 2013 being the year where I finally reach my goal weight.

Temptations

I honestly haven't felt much like posting lately, but I am still here and generally still doing what I should be. I feel like I've been a lot less creative lately- generally, I am just eating stuff right out of the box because I've been tired. I've also been buying quite a few of the Weight Watchers' Smart Ones frozen entrees. It's nice to have something to break up the monotony since Nutrisystem won't ship their frozen entrees to Canada. But today, I do have something to share with you. Today is a day for me that was full of warning bells that I would do something stupid. 7 years ago today, I lost my father, and I've been feeling pretty down about it. Not much energy to do anything or to cook anything. I'm also at home by myself this weekend, so I could have just ordered a pizza and no one would have known about it, except me. I spent half an hour on various delivery sites trying to decide what I wanted but nothing really looked appealing. Even when I thought I'd found something I wanted, it didn't seem right. Then I looked at myself in the mirror and asked if I really wanted another setback. If I really wanted that pizza, then I could have it. But how was I going to feel afterwards? From experience, I know I'll feel bloated and gross, plus lousy for giving in to the urge. For me, it's always been pizza. Today, I decided no. I am sitting here eating a Smart Ones cheese pizza right now, and while it doesn't have that same greasy flavour as a delivery pizza, I'm also not going to feel like crap after eating it. I'm proud of myself.

A New Reason for a New Start

Things have been crazy busy here, and I haven't really felt like taking the time to write since I've been unfocused. It has given me a lot of time for thinking, though. One of the reasons that I've been struggling is that my original motivation no longer holds true. I began my weight loss journey to lose weight so that I wouldn't die. I was extremely obese and I knew that my life was being shortened as a result, and likely that my health would worsen much more quickly. Now, while I'm still overweight, I'm actually smaller than the average American woman (haven't seen the stats for Canada), and according to my doctor, my health risks have all decreased significantly as well. The last few pounds I have left are mostly vanity weight. So that's how I'm going to have to deal with them. If I want to get motivated to get myself to goal, I have to realize that is what it's about now; looking good. I've accomplished my first goal, and that is something to celebrate, even if it took me this long to realize that I already had what I wanted. But now it's time to go for that brass ring :) I've been back on program for about two weeks now and I've lost 7 pounds. I'm looking forward to seeing what summer is going to bring. I may not have been here for a while, but don't count me out yet as another failed weight loss statistic!