Just Desserts

OK, so it's supposed to be just deserts but this is a food blog, right? :)

Really though, I don't know if I got what I deserved this week because I'm not really sure what I did deserve. I made a mistake, but since then I have stuck to program 100%. I have recommitted to Nutrisystem and to my goal, and I have analyzed why I erred this week. In addition to the reasons I wrote in my confession post, I am nearing a significant personal milestone (I was expecting to hit it this week) and I think part of me got scared. I've been here before, and each time I vowed I never would be again. Every time, I've failed at keeping that vow. I suppose part of me was afraid of failure again.

But if I give up now, I've already failed. At least if I keep putting one foot in front of the other, there's only the possibility of failure, which while still scary is much better than a certainty!

I've never had this kind of issue when approaching a milestone before. I think part of me knows this is really it; that I'm not going to be back here again, and that I'm afraid of that since so much of my identity is being the fat girl. Well, I'm going to have to learn to cope with it though because this time, it's for real. I'm not going to make excuses and quit halfway like I've done in the past. I am going to become the person that I want to be- strong, determined, and sexy :)

See, I really think that when you experience a major change, you will change as well. Before I had my son, I used to look in the mirror and think that I would be somebody's mother and wonder what that would be like since I still saw the same old me looking back. I am still me, but I see it as the new and improved version! I'm more patient, more loving, and a myriad of little gifts that my son has given to me. I expect that losing weight will be the same; I'll be a better, happier me. If for no other reason, that is worth achieving!

I actually lost 0.2lbs this week. For a second I considered what I would have lost if I hadn't screwed up (I was FIVE pounds heavier the day after the pizza!), but I try to live my life by the philosophy that you can't change the past, only the future. Cheating on my program didn't make me happier- I felt gross physically and emotionally. I feel really good eating Nutrisystem, especially when I come up with a great, healthier version of an old favourite recipe.

So here I am again- ready to lose the other half of this ugly fat! Thanks for all your support on my last post. I really needed to hear it and it helped keep me going.